Hi, I’m Keith Wilson. I’ve worked with people who have hurt and been hurt by others for over thirty years as a therapist. I’m pleased to present this online course, How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again. In it, I’ll lead you through the steps that will enable you to, not only make an effective apology but also to transform yourself into the person you would like to be.

My entire approach to resolving interpersonal problems is described in my book, The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad. My method comes from studying more than forty books on the topic of forgiveness and reconciliation as well as my work with thousands of people with broken relationships. I designed this course for those who would benefit from step-by-step instructions on how they can make an apology and change their own behaviors that lead to relationships going bad. Soon, I hope to develop other online courses that deal with other parts of the book such as finding peace when you are hurt, cultivating change in others, and dealing with pervasive problems. For now, if you would like help with those issues, I would urge you to get the book by going to my website, www.theroadtoreconciliation.com.

The first thing to consider, before you start How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again, is whether this is the right course for you. I imagine you’re here because you got into some serious trouble of some kind. You hurt someone who deserves or demands better from you. I’ve tried to design this course to be relevant to any kind of offense: from childhood abuse, to marital strife, to criminal activity, to saying the wrong thing in public, to workplace conflicts, to neglect of elders, to what have you. We’ll have to see whether it fits all the wrongdoings people can commit. However, the one thing the course cannot accommodate is the person who wants to argue that they are the victim at the same time that they try to apologize for their misconduct.

If that describes you, then you are in good and very numerous company. There is no such thing as a person who is purely a wrongdoer. Everyone has been a victim somehow and feeling harmed is directly connected to the harm they do. Being a victim puts you in a perilous position. It’s hard to get justice. You’ll often act out and harm someone, either someone you believe caused the pain or anyone close at hand. Around and around it goes. You could avoid all that by dealing directly with your feelings before you seek justice, so you don’t need to act out and injure anyone else.

If you are feeling more victimized than guilty, I would encourage you to not take this course. You should read The Road to Reconciliation, first. There you can learn to come terms with what someone has done to you. I suspect, while you go through that process, you will find that you are also culpable, if not in the deed that hurt you directly, then in how you responded to it. If that’s the case, come back when you are ready to begin to work on the things about yourself that need to change.

The exception might be if you believe you need to move fast to mend your ways because others are ready to give up on you. If that’s the case, then take this course and work through the steps of reparation, setting aside your hurt feelings. I would never want to stop someone who is ready to accept responsibility. However, I would urge you to come to terms with being a victim soon. It is only by confronting your weaknesses and vulnerabilities that you’ll understand why you did the things you did and acquire the tools to change.

If you are ready to begin, then I am. Let’s start.