When you're finally done apologizing, you’ll be good for a while. The underlying patterns we looked at in module five will seem to have gone away.   

Have they, really?

It takes hard work to eradicate persistent problems and eternal vigilance to keep them away. Relapse can be expected. When we’re talking about addiction, it takes an average of seven real attempts before recovery feels solid and, even then, you won’t know if you’re going to need eight. Mental illness, if that’s what’s involved in the persistent pattern also tends to be episodic, and each new episode tends to be worse than the last. People who have succumbed once to the temptations of crime, violence, sexual recklessness, self-harm, suicide attempts, or self-pity are more likely to do it again. Moreover, problems will often go into hiding when they feel threatened, so that what appears to be recovery is really a more pernicious hidden phase of the same problem that troubled you before. 

If you’re in a close relationship with the person you hurt, that person will be the last one to believe the problem has disappeared. Everyone else will celebrate while they’re still waiting for the next shoe to drop. There’s a reason for their skepticism. They have the most to lose.  

Persistent patterns take on a life of their own. They take cover when they feel threatened. They’ll hide in the bushes and come roaring out when you least suspect it. Make no mistake, these things are cunning, baffling, and very patient. While you’ve been collecting key rings at your NA meeting, your problem has been doing pushups in the parking lot. 

For the farmer who lost his farm in a poker game, his pattern is gambling. Even if he hasn’t gambled lately, he may still be infested with the gambling bug. The old pattern can easily be re-established and before you know it, he’ll be back to gambling again.

Persistent patterns grow in the dark. They like to perform their dirty deeds in secret. However, it’s rarely ever a real secret. It’s kidding itself when it believes it leaves no trace. You can tell when the pattern is still afoot if you are willing to read the signs. These are the signs the pattern will return.